Reams checked his special
watch to find it was 3:07 a.m. when his phone rang. Even in his blindness
day and night still made a difference to him. He didn't consider complaining
about being wakened, especially when he learned it was Sally.
"Ream, I'm so sorry
to be calling you at this hour, but I had to talk to someone. Johnny's
hospital just called and said he's taken a turn for the worse. They want
me to get there right away. I'll have to drive down to Phoenix and catch
the first plane out. I'm completely shocked because they said he was getting
along so well up to now."
Ream's first thought
was to say he would come and drive her down. If he were still a whole man,
he would want to, but all he could say was something which fell short,
like a request to be careful. Sally promised she would.
Sleep was over for
the night. With such a compelling message, he worried about what shape
was Sally in to drive a hundred miles down the mountain. Did she really
mean she had to talk to someone, or she had to talk to him? The thought
brought a warmth to his heart, a growing validation to him that their
relationship was becoming stronger.
Sally went directly
to the hospital. Finding a hotel room could wait. Johnny had experienced
a serious reaction to the drug treatment program before his operation.
He had already undergone several blood transfusions to evacuate the drug
causing the adverse reaction. Worse yet, his chest cold had developed into
pneumonia.
The doctors had not
been able give him the antibiotic of choice for pneumonia because it conflicted
with the prescribed heart drug for his operation. Johnny was in no-mans'
land.
He had just been transferred
to a private intensive care bed. 
He
was drowsy yet cognizant of his mother's entrance. At his bed side was
Timothy Barringer, who had not seen Sally since their divorce. He looked
haggard, and was unshaven because he had spent the night with Johnny.
Sally took Johnny's
flaccid hand. "Hi Mom, I'm glad you're here." He closed his eyes. "It's
been a little rugged. I sure wish we were back in Prescott watching a horse
show," said Johnny.
"I know," said Sally.
"I wish we were too."
"Funny," said a weak
Johnny, "I've been thinking of Gus. You remember the old cowboy I met in
the Prescott hospital? We talked a lot about life, some about death too.
Seemed he should have been a minister or something. Remember, I sent you
to see him at the Cowboy Poets Gathering?"
"Oh yes, and I did
see him Johnny. I thought he was great. I've been meaning to call him.
I still have his number in my purse."
"Well, he had been
to the door of death himself. He said too often we think we need permission
to die, but we really owned our own death, and its freedom and mercy could
be the final dignity we choose."
"I'm very, very anxious
for you to live, darling but I understand what you are saying," said Sally.
"Yes, in fact after
Gus and I talked I went to the hospital chapel. I didn't plan on staying
long. As I was sitting there, a peace drifted through me. Then I didn't
feel like leaving. But in a little while, I was ready to leave. It was
like I took a kind of spiritual rest in the middle of my life.
I don't know if I've
ever experienced that kind of peace until then. I wasn't afraid of dying
anymore, but afterward I found the experience almost frightening to think
about because I had never trusted my heart and its direction so completely
before."
Sally glanced at Timothy
with moisture in her eyes.
Johnny spoke again
softly, "Let's not fool around. We all know I'm not getting through this
alive. I know it inside of me, if that makes any sense. Whatever happens,
I'll be at peace with it, mom. Please don't let them make me a vegetable."
"We have been here
so many times before it's easier for me to understand now," said Timothy.
"You don't need to feel death is a defeat, son. If you decide to let go,
it's a choice between you and your maker. We still love you and it's OK
either way, at least with me, but your mother may see it differently."
"I'm glad you're not
afraid Johnny, but we should never give up," said Sally, not yet willing
to accept what she feared was coming, and feeling her heart beat faster
in response to her fear. A nurse drifted in, and suggested Johnny get some
sleep.
Tim sighed and leaned
back stretching his arms and rubbing the back of his neck, "Well, I guess
I should get some rest too. I have been up most of the night. Sally, would
you walk with me to the nurse's station, so I can introduce you to the
head nurse?" he said as he led Sally into the hallway.
When they got out into
the hallway Tim turned to her and placed a gentle hand on her arm. "I know
this is not the best time or place for this. But our paths don't cross
often and there is something I needed to tell you in person. It will put
us both at rest about it and I hope make us more united for what may be
in front of us here.
Sally, you need to
know that for a long time I tried to hang onto what we had during our marriage.
The marriage was over, but I still lived wishing you'd return. I'm
free of it now. It was never meant to continue, and I understand that now.
I know you can't fix
it when it crumbles just because you want a home and family. You can't
arrive at a marriage that works by repairing one that doesn't. You're only
trying to fix a flat tire when we really needed a new engine. You have
to go back to the beginning and disassemble everything, including the desire
to save it. Actually, it's twice as hard as starting fresh. There are too
many unconscious attitudes in place.
Anyway, it's clear
to me now. I hope we each find the right person and make the right start
next time. I sincerely mean it, because when I recognized this, I was released
from our past."
"Oh Timothy, thank
you so much," said Sally. She was expressing the affection of two
friendly souls who realized they understood each other at last.
Both knew their past
was finally over and their peace had been made. At least now, they faced
an uncertain dilemma without discord between them. When they reached out
to one another as parents and two human beings sharing an impending loss,
there was an embrace. It was real for the first time in many years, but
they both knew it sealed a parting.