Copyright © 1998 by Jim Oakley
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Ream lived in a sea of darkness. His mechanism for perceiving and navigating had entirely changed. Now his other senses played critical roles. New levels of instinctive awareness and trust had to be discovered. Whatever his life was, or whatever course it was to take, would now depend on developing new sensory mechanisms. So for the next three days after his lesson with Gus and Biff, Ream began to wonder about the impossible. Could a blind man learn to ride a horse? Ream felt he already had an invisible bond with Biff. He had sensed the horse's being, and the slight, delicate increments of trust which had evolved ever so slowly, like the sun moving through the sunset. Learning to ride a horse with this sixth sense could go a long way toward developing new mechanisms. Gus had mentioned there was a special touch and feel to it. Could this be the basis of a new intuitive guidance system? To do it, he must overcome fear. This was a lesson he had learned many years previous. Learn to do well those things you are afraid to do. He remembered his days in the Boy Scouts. Even the smell of his green and gold uniform. He had started school a year earlier than most children, thus was a year younger than his peers, which may have made a difference in his confidence and ability when he joined Scout Troop 79. There had been a hike which out-distanced his capacity as a beginner. It had been his first hike with the Boy Scouts, and was twenty miles over steep terrain. He had trouble keeping up with the older Scouts on a steep incline. He had not known he could be so afraid of heights and ledges. He ran out of breath, and then he couldn't catch his breath. Panic came, it consumed him. He couldn't breathe, he gasped for air. He became more and more frightened. He was hyperventilating. He had never been so terrified. Panic throbbed through his pounding heart. Finally, he had been noticed by some of the other boys and one of them told the Scout Master. The troop stopped for a rest while the Scout Master reassured Ream and then carried him piggy-back for a few hundred yards. Somewhere in those reassuring yards, Ream resurrected himself. The Scout Master put him down and Ream hiked the rest of the way himself. He never forgot the experience of panic catching him by surprise. He had learned a big lesson-- to deal with panic before it gets out of control. Thirty years later, he began to panic when his sailboat overturned in the middle of Lake Tahoe. He was alone. The old drum beat in his heart. It started to over- take him, but this time he dealt with it. He fought down the old panic by keeping his attention on righting the Sunfish sailcraft. This time, because he knew what panic was, he immediately took charge. Looking back, he would never have thought his first experience with panic on the mountain would be worthwhile, but it was. When he returned to shore, it was with the confidence he had lost on the mountain many years earlier. Ream wondered if someday he would look back on this part of his life with a similar understanding of its necessity. Was there a seed hidden in his current tragedy that would someday bear fruit? Perhaps a fuller intuitive comprehension of life and its mysteries? However, he wanted to be realistic and wanted Gus's reaction to his seemingly impossible quest of intuitive riding. He asked Mrs. Mead to look up Gus's phone number before she left. When Gus answered his phone, Ream put the question to him, "Gus, I want to learn more about the touch and feel of relating to horses, your Principle. Could a blind man learn to ride a horse intuitively? I know I would have some big fears to work through, but I mean, is it possible? Can you teach me?" Gus thought a moment. "Never thought about it, but I don't see why not. You might even do better at it than a sighted person." "I think it might be a key to my future, Gus. Besides, I 'd like to go riding with you sometime and discover what you've found out there." "OK," said Gus, "but you'll have to learn to put Biffer in a horse trailer first. We need to know Biff respects you enough to do something he dosen't like. We can't afford to put you on a horse without knowing this first. And it will reduce the biggest part of your fear." "I agree." " Then there is the matter of a horse shying, but I think I have a way to deal with that." Ream sat back in relief, confident that Gus would find a way. "Well, Gus, if I'm going to be a cowboy, I guess I need a hat." "That's a pretty serious thing." "I know it means a lot to a cowboy. I think it has to do with a cowboy's honor. Am I right?" "You bet," replied Gus. "It's the cowboy's badge. You don't hardly take it off except when you first meet somebody, or tip it to acknowledge the presence of a lady. You always take it off to honor God, the dead, the flag, and the military, or when you enter a home. Otherwise you keep it on, even when you eat out." "Glad you told me. I think I'll get one after I learn to load Biff. When do we start?" "See you in the morning, first thing," answered Gus. Ream had just put the phone down when it rang. He recognized Sally's voice immediately. "Hello, is this Ream?" "Yes." "Ream, this is Sally Barringer. You sent me the North Star quotation, and I'm calling to thank you." "You're very welcome, I guessed it would mean something to you after our last talk. We talked around the fringes of it, and I was hoping we could talk again. Tell me, how do you come to be in Prescott?" Sally hesitated a moment, then replied, "I needed a fresh start. I love to be outside. Nature does wonders for the soul. It's a cure from civilization. But sometimes when you're starting over you forget why you did it in the first place. That's the position I am in now. I've tied myself down too much to my work as a newspaper reporter. Actually, I haven't met anyone I've wanted to include in my world. I would rather be busy by myself than to spend time with someone I'm uncomfortable with, or someone who lives only on the surface of life." "You mean you're not a practical, down to earth person?" asked Ream. "Exactly. Most people go through life prudently with their feet on the ground. I tried to be that way, but I learned the hard way I belong to another group." "Which group is that?" Sally smiled. "The group designed for soaring." Ream smiled in return, "I have a similar affliction. You know, we've got a lot of critics." "I'll say. Too many times, I've listened to them. Oh yes, I've got my head in the clouds sometimes, but too often I've abandoned my dreams and my wings. Not any more." "Good for you. I've had my share of people telling me something I've wanted to do can't be done." "I'll tell you, I've discovered one big problem with that kind of people." "Oh?" "Yes, For some reason they always expect you to desert yourself and your talents. Never do that." Ream agreed, "Whatever success I have had is due to hanging on in spite of them. You've got to hang in there even when it makes no sense. There are a lot of unseen things at work, as if the gods have to change. " "Wow! That's good," said Sally, "I think we may belong to the same club." In that moment, he recalled what Gus had taught him about walking up to Biff, respecting the dignity and spirit of the horse, and without words, asking permission to come closer. It was this same unspoken respect Ream displayed as he broached his next question to Sally. "The last time we talked, you mentioned your family had fallen apart?" "Yes. I've been married, but it didn't work." "Don't feel alone, I 've had my share of disappointments along the way." "I did my best at the time, but I wasn't really able to love. All I could see was that he couldn't love me, or wasn't capable of it, and I thought I was." "I admire you for being able to admit that." "Thank you, when it happens, you really think you're doing the right thing, because love is so illusive. I hope I have sense enough now to know the difference." Ream responded, "I used to think love comes from your heart but these days I feel it's deeper, spiritual, and has a lot to do with your soul." Sally said, "That's odd. I've been concluding the same thing. I wonder if it's possible to know this when you are young?" Ream smiled softly. "You know what I'm talking about." "Many people never get past their adolescent beliefs," said Sally. "It's taken my whole life to grow up. Life is so much deeper than it appears to be." "Yes, I have been fooled many times, often by assuming others see things as I do. What is self evident to me isn't always to others." Their conversation touched the vacuum which occupies single people so naturally they talked of things bordering on courtship. She sighed and shifted the subject to him, "As long as we are comparing notes here, you seem to have some answers. How do you put the puzzle together?" Ream felt a subtle warmth growing between them; a delicate linkage like the lead rope with a horse. He could sense Sally enjoyed freedom in conversation, and would balk at control. With this in mind he said, "This is only my perspective; it may be too intense for you. So feel free to tell me to stop, or just take what you like and throw the rest away." He continued, "I had an unusual relationship recently which reset my whole compass. I am still trying to digest what happened. It was the first time I really took down all the walls." "I know what I mean by walls, but what do you mean?" "There is a part of yourself that will take down walls around your soul only when it feels comfortable enough. You can't force it. Are you sure all this interests you?" "Yes, please go on," said Sally. "There was an incredible chemistry or synchronicity in the early stages of the relationship. Some very unusual sensations happened that I wouldn't have noticed otherwise, but she called my attention to them." "Like what?" "One evening while we were having dinner, kind of intent and immersed in one an other, the room fell silent when our conversation trailed off for a moment. Then she said, Does the grandfather clock seem extremely loud to you? Curiously, I had just noticed the loud clock, but had passed it off. The ticks which normally melted into the background were like a hammer striking a nail. It doesn't seem like much, but today I'd say it was the most important thing that ever happened to me." "How is that?" "I was experiencing spiritual intimacy for the first time." "You better explain that?" "Our total immersion in each other allowed us to have a greater sensitivity to hearing. I know we didn't, but it felt like we had mesmerized one another into a trance or something. It seemed as if we were so comfortable with one another that we became perfectly still inside and our senses picked up the smallest events. Today, I would say there was something mystical in our communion. " "Ream, can you tell me more about what it felt like?" "The feeling was like we had descended into a vast well of silence and then into a hollow stillness. " "Sounds like a meditation experience. Was it?" "It was more, Sally, because we didn't tune out the world to become still, rather we opened ourselves to each other. Like we experienced living for the first time. Some amazing things happened as a result. For someone who has not experienced it, this has got to sound a little loony." "No. Please go on, now it's sounding a little familiar." "OK," he said. "Touch became a whole different thing. Our embraces stayed with me for hours afterward. I actually timed five hours once. And anyone else I touched felt like cardboard. I lost interest in other women. Have you ever experienced this?" "I think I may know what you mean, although I have experienced only the fringes of it. Not too many people know this great secret, but poets often do. It is pretty frightening. It's like having to carry a piece of priceless china through a war zone." "OK, go on," said Ream. "Let me try to reduce it, or give you the crux of it. It's like you can be hugged but nothing comes through. On the other hand, I once felt much more with a man I dated. When he hugged me, I experienced something new. It was a completeness and incredible peace." "It felt like home?" inquired Ream. "That says it," said Sally. "Well if he gave you that, I consider him a treasure." "Yes," she said. "He was a treasure in my past. He helped introduce me to the meaning in what we're talking about. Thank you, most men would not welcome hearing about the previous men in my life." "It's nice to be appreciated for that perspective," responded Ream. In astonishment Sally said, "I wouldn't have believed I could have this kind of conversation with someone I've only talked to on the telephone." "It did get a little deep perhaps too quickly. Do you think we got in over our heads?" reflected Ream. "I'm not sure. You're really easy to talk to. I've never before met anyone who related to me this quickly. Are you sure you're for real?" "I'm surprised by all this too. It seems our conversation just caught fire," Ream said gently, smiling at the quick intensity of their talk. There was silence for an extended moment. "I feel a little muddled inside. I think I'd better take some time to relax and digest all of this," said Sally. "OK," Ream smiled. "I'll lean back too, and re-enjoy all that we have said. We must talk again." "Yes," Sally's voice quivered slightly as she said good-by. |